Gifilte, the fish…
It’s been a while now that I’ve had suspicions of my coworkers trying to get me back for the countless amounts of pranks I have pulled on them and it was about time I figured out what they were up to and who was to blame.
Here’s what happened to me two weeks ago:
I had just finished my lunch and went outside to take a phone call. When I came back to my desk, everything was upside down. My chair was messed up, my computer background was switched to a guy in a dress and my usually organized papers were all over the place, I was rattled. I looked to my coworkers to ask what the heck happened and every single one of them had a smile on their face…but no one would own up to it.
I went downstairs to get my four o’clock coffee. I was gone for no longer than 7 minutes but when I returned to my desk to make a very important phone call, the receiver of my phone was magically no longer there. Like, come on man! Once again I was rattled.
I went outside for fresh air and when I came back to my computer to finish sending an email I had started prior to going outside, everything I typed was coming out backwards. I freaked out and all my coworkers were laughing at me. I pretended like it didn’t bother me but I was not happy. I had had enough.
When I came into work Friday morning, sat at my desk and turned on my computer, I heard a voice coming from the shelf above my head. The soft voice was saying my name repeatedly. “Jeremy….Jeremy…” I looked up at and saw that Gefilte was clearly trying to get my attention. I freaked out…could it really be? Could it really be? Was my fish actually talking to me? I leaned towards the fish bowl and was face-to-face with Gefilte; her mouth opened and said:
“Jeremy…I have a story to tell you.”
Before I could respond, Gifilte went on to tell me her entire life story, this may shock you. The truth is that Gifilte is a 10-year veteran pet of the Israeli Army and decided to pick up and leave to start a new life in Canada. She then went on to tell me how she wanted to meet a nice Jewish boy who she could settle down with, someone who would protect her. She then told me about her and Arthurrrrr’s amazing love story. Apparently after her long vigorous travel adventure to Montreal, she was feeling a little out of shape so she decided to order the P90X work out DVDs. The crazy part of the story is not a fish doing P90X but, that that the guy working for the P90X delivery service was Arthurrrrr.
With his great sense of humor, Arthurrrrr swept her right off her fins the second he dropped of the DVDs at her tank. Arthurrrrr tried to impress Gifilte by telling her how these DVDs really work, how they changed his life and so on and so on. Gefilte found this to be hilarious because Arthur wasn’t even that buff looking so she thought he was completely joking….But I don’t think she knows that he wasn’t.
After Gifilte told me her whole life story, she got to the good stuff. Apparently all her time in the IDF had taught her a little bit about spy tactics and she was using them to help me out.
“Jer,” Gifilte said, “Arthurrrrr and I have secretly been videotaping and taking pictures of your office area for the past week and we have everything caught on camera!”
They both handed me the evidence and told me not to retaliate just yet but to wait until they give me the signal…when the time will be just right. And with that, Gifilte went back to just being a little fish and Arthurrrrr went back to being a statue.
So watch out BIEC coworkers; I’ve got an Israeli, IDF trained pet fish and a P90X delivery statue watching my back.
What Up Now?!